This parenting error produces mentally weak children

Sometimes you have to let kids figure out how to solve problems or bear the consequences of their decisions.

That’s according to psychiatrist and bestselling author Daniel Amen. Parents too often make the mistake of “overdoing it” for their children, resulting in “mentally weak children” Amen told podcast “Built Different” in an episode that aired Tuesday.

Such behaviors — like doing your child’s class project on their own to help them get a better grade or giving them what they want solely to stop an impending tantrum — limit children’s mental resilience and sense of independence, Amin said. And children are very resilient more likely to become happy, successful adultsresearch shows.

“When my daughter forgot her homework at home, no one brought it to school. If she didn’t bring a jacket on a cold day, even when her mother told her to, no one brought her a jacket,” Amin said. “It’s really important that when a child says, ‘I’m bored,’ and you don’t (fix) it, just say, ‘I wonder what you’re going to do about it.’

“When you do too much for your children, you increase your self-esteem by stealing from them,” he added. “(People) develop mental toughness by solving problems.”

Building a child’s mental resilience does not require a “tough love” parental approach. harsh punishments, Barnard College child psychologist Tova Klein told CNBC Make It last year. Trying to shield kids from frustration also won’t help them build resilience, Klein said.

Instead, you can allow your children to experience setbacks, mistakes, and other difficult moments while letting them know that you still support and love them.

“I see it as a more empathetic, connected (approach). “It can be tough, and I’ll be here when you’re done,” Klein said, adding, “It’s a message of, ‘I trust you, get through this tough thing, and I’ll be here whether you win, lose, or come to the middle, I’m here for you.”

Similarly, the more you encourage children to help the people around them – from everyday chores around the house to friends and classmates at school – the more they will gain the opportunities and responsibility they need to confidently solve their own problems, the American Psychological Association noted in 2012 blog post.

“Let them start figuring out their problems or solutions to their problems, rather than getting too involved in them,” Amin said.

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