The year when the famous Chinese “aunt” found freedom

Sixty-year-old Chinese grandmother Su Ming had no intention of becoming an icon of feminism.

She was just trying to escape her abusive husband when she hit the road in 2020 in her white Volkswagen hatchback with a tent on the roof and her pension.

“I felt like I could finally catch my breath,” she says, recalling the moment she left her old life. “I felt like I could survive and find the lifestyle I wanted.”

Over the next four years and 180,000 miles, the video diaries she shared of her adventures chronicling decades of pain earned her millions of fans online. They called her the “Traveler Aunt” because she inadvertently became a hero to women who felt trapped in their own lives.

Now her story has been made into a popular film, Like a Rolling Stone, released in September, and she has been named in the BBC’s 100 Most Inspiring and Influential Women of 2024.

It’s been a year of big moments, but if she had to describe what 2024 meant to her in one word, she said that word would be “freedom.”

Once Su Ming started driving, she felt freer, she told the BBC by phone from Shenyang – before heading south for the winter in her new SUV with a caravan.

But it wasn’t until 2024, when she finally filed for divorce, that she felt “a different kind of freedom.”

It took time to get there: it’s a complicated process in China, and her husband refused to divorce her until she agreed to pay him. They settled on 160,000 yuan ($21,900; £17,400), but she is still waiting for the divorce certificate.

But she is determined that she doesn’t want to look back: “I’m saying goodbye to him.”

In her new life on the road, Soo Min has a duty to herself.

Her videos are mostly just her. Although she rides alone, she never seems lonely. She talks to her followers filming her journey, telling what she cooked, how she spent the previous day and where she is going next.

Her audience travels with her to places they never knew they would long for – the snow-capped mountains of Xinjiang, the ancient river cities of Yunnan, the sparkling blue lakes, the vast grasslands, the endless deserts.

They applaud her courage and envy the freedom she has taken. They have rarely heard such a raw first-hand account of the realities of life as “A Chinese Aunt”.

“You are so brave! You decided to break free,” one follower wrote, while another urged her to “live the rest of your life well for yourself!”. One woman asked for the advice because she too “dreams of driving alone”, and an impressed follower said: “Mum, look at her! When I’m older, I’ll live a colorful life like her if I don’t get married! “

For some, the takeaways are more pragmatic but inspiring: “After watching your videos, this is what I learned: As women, we should own our own home, cultivate friendships everywhere, work hard to be financially independent, and invest in unemployment insurance!”

Through it all, Soo Min processes his past. A stray cat she meets on the road reminds her of herself, both of them “have endured years of wind and rain, but still know how to love this world that hardens our faces.” A visit to the market, where she smells chili peppers, gives her the “smell of freedom” because throughout her marriage spicy food was forbidden by her husband, who disliked her.

Over the years, Su Ming has been a dutiful daughter, wife and mother – even though her husband has repeatedly beaten her.

“I was a traditional woman and wanted to stay married for life,” she says. “But in the end, I saw that I got nothing in return for all my energy and effort — only beatings, violence, emotional abuse and gaslighting.”

Her husband Du Zhoucheng confessed to hitting her. “It’s my mistake that I beat you,” he said in a video she recently shared on Douyin, China’s TikTok platform.

According to local media, he graduated from high school and worked at the Ministry of Water Resources for 40 years before retiring. In 2022, he told a publication that he beat his wife for “talking back” and that it was “a normal thing”: “How can there be no noise and accidents in the family?”

Su Ming married Du Zhouchen “to escape the control of my father and the whole family.”

She was born and raised in Tibet until 1982, when her family moved to Henan, a bustling province in a valley along the Yellow River. She had just finished school and got a job at a fertilizer plant where most of her colleagues, including those under 20, already had husbands.

Her marriage was arranged by matchmakers, which was common at the time. She spent much of her life cooking and caring for her father and three younger brothers. “I wanted to change my life,” she says.

Before the wedding, the couple met only twice. She wasn’t looking for love, but she hoped that love would grow once they were married.

Soo Min has not found love. But she had a daughter, and that was one of the reasons she convinced herself that she needed to be abused.

“We’re always so afraid of being ridiculed and blamed in the event of a divorce, so we all choose to be patient, but in reality, that kind of patience is not appropriate,” she says. “I later learned that it can actually have a significant effect on children. The child really doesn’t want you to put up with it, they want you to step up and give them a harmonious home.”

After her daughter got married, she thought of leaving her husband, but soon became a grandmother. Twins were born to my daughter – and she was called on duty again. She felt she needed help caring for them, even though she had been diagnosed with depression by this time.

“I felt that if I didn’t go, I would get sick,” she says. She promised her daughter that she would look after the two boys until they went to kindergarten, and then she would leave.

The spark of inspiration for her escape came in 2019 while browsing social media. She found a video of someone traveling while living in their van. That’s it, she thought to herself. This was her way out.

Even the pandemic did not stop her. In September 2020, she left her family home in Zhengzhou and hardly looked back, traveling through 20 Chinese provinces and more than 400 cities.

This decision certainly caused a stir among women in China. Su Ming offers comfort and hope to her millions of followers. “We women are not just someone’s wife or mother… Let’s live for ourselves!” wrote one follower.

Many of them are mothers who share their own struggles. They tell her they, too, feel trapped in stifling marriages — some say her stories have inspired them to end abusive relationships.

“You are a hero to thousands of women and many now see the possibility of a better life because of you,” reads one of the top comments on one of her most popular videos.

“When I’m 60, I hope I can be as free as you,” another comment read.

The third woman asks, “Aunt Su, can I travel with you? I will cover all the expenses. I just want to travel with you. I feel so trapped and depressed in my current life.”

“Can you live the life of your dreams?” Su Ming thought about the call. “I want to tell you that no matter how old you are, as long as you work hard, you will definitely find your answer. Just like me, even though I’m 60 now, I found what I was looking for.’

It is admitted that it was not easy and it was necessary to live in retirement frugally. She thought vlogging could help raise money – she had no idea it would go viral.

She talks about what she’s learned over the years and her latest challenge – finalizing her divorce.

“I haven’t received the divorce certificate yet because there is a cooling off period in the law and we are in that cooling off period now.”

One of her followers wrote that the money she paid her husband was “worth every penny,” adding: “Now it’s your turn to see the world and live a bright, wild life. Congratulations, aunt, we look forward to a colorful and fulfilling future! “

She says it is difficult to get a divorce because “many of our laws in China are aimed at protecting the family. Women often do not dare to divorce because of family disharmony.”

At first, she thought Du Zhouchen’s behavior might improve with time and distance, but she said he still threw “pots and pans” at her when she returned.

He had only called her twice in the past few years – once because her highway access card was linked to his credit card and he wanted her to pay back the 81 yuan (£0.90). She says she hasn’t used the card since then.

Undeterred by the divorce delay, Soo Min continues to plan more trips and hopes to travel abroad one day.

She’s worried about overcoming language barriers, but she’s confident that her story will resonate around the world – as it did in China.

“Although women in every country are different, I would like to say that no matter what environment you are in, you should be kind to yourself. Learn to love yourself, because only when you love yourself, the world can be full of sunshine.”

Additional reporting by Fan Wang in Singapore