People who are well resorted to conflict do it 1

When approaching conflictMost people seek to make their way and others try to find common ground. This is the mistake of the authors Robert Bordan and Joel Salinas.

In his new book, “Resistance to Conflicts: Disagree negotiations without giving up or giving”, they claim that the attempt to resolve the conflict deprives the interaction of your value and you get more when you are trying to study without trying.

“We believe that the conflict has the opportunity to promote communication and actually establish a relationship,” Bordon says. He is the founder and former director of the clinical program of Harvard negotiations and mediation.

People who move well in the conflict have no thinking that disputes are bad.

“If your orientation is what you are going to, it’s so negative, it’s much harder to be in it than if you have another, and I would just say a more accurate frame on it,” Bordon says.

In fact, they see it as an opportunity to confirm the other person’s side. Instead of coming with a list of points, they prefer to listen and ask questions.

“The work resistant to the conflict is to enter the landscape that has no script because it is motivated by a sense of curiosity for something else,” Bordon says.

Salinas, a behavioral neurologist and a clinic scientist at New York University, says that people who are superior to the personal life or in the workplace-also know that sometimes it is unrealistic to count on the eyes.

“There are certain spheres of disagreement that it is simply impossible to solve,” he says.

To overcome the divisions during the conversation, you need to try to understand the fears of another person, Kurt Gray, Professor of Social Psychology from the University of North Carolina, Chapel -Hill and the author “Outraged: Why we fight with morality and politics and how to find common language”, “” said CNBC to do this earlier this year.

“That’s why we often enter these conversations, and this is not a conversation,” Gray says. “It’s a chance to score or try to make another person look stupid. A real conversation is where you ask questions.”

Gray recommends taking three steps to lead the best conversations when you are with someone in a difference:

1. Try to understand their motivation: Ask the questions and express the true curiosity about how they came to their conclusion.
2. Confirm this motivation: Even if you do not agree with their point of view, you can confirm that you understand how they got there.
3. Underline your personal connection: Instead of pursuing their facts, be vulnerable and tell them why you disagree with them.

Others are likely to find some services in your argument if you share your personal anecdote, unlike some statistics to show why you stand where you do.

“Setting a connection with someone, seeing them as a comrade, I think it goes a long way,” says Gray.

You both leave yourself better and respect if you will at least try to understand each other.

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