A newly released Star Trek film achieves the impossible and sets a new bar

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By Joshua Tyler
| Endless

Star Trek: Section 31 Starts when Spitad flies across the screen and traces the shape of the Starfleet logo. We will learn later that this Spitad was ship the hero of the show.

The film goes on into a backpack, where we are introduced to a girl who is worse than Hitler. She murdered her whole family in preparation for the promotion of a job where she will have to spend decades fulfilling galactic racemade and torture the man she loves for fun.

Trek Star: SECTION SECTION 31

“I’m the only one I could never defeat.” – Philippa Georgiou

This Hitler space was named Philippa Georgiou (Michelle Yeoh), and the film flashes on to a gift where she runs a floating space bar. We are reintroduced to while the film plays Cyw Badass rock music to queue the audience to the idea that we are supposed to think that it is truly amazing.

Georgiou then pops up a human eye ball in her mouth and saves the flavor while the music swells and the camera swirls around it in worship. Yes, Star Trek: Section 31 Is selling the idea of ​​cannibal mass murder is extremely cool if she does it in high heels! This is the entire precedent of this film. Hurray for Hitler’s space!

Our hero eats human flesh, and likes it.

This is not an over -telling. This is not hyperbole. This glory of horrors is the CBS movie deliberately released under Star Trek’s brand Most important+.

In order to make her racial celebration occur, Paramount took an unpopular and completely bad character from Star Trek: Discoverthe least likeable Star Trek Series Of all time, and giving her a feature film.

Why did this happen? How did it happen? If that story is ever told, it will be more interesting than anything in this film.

Section 31 team

We were soon introduced to the rest of the Star Trek: Section 31 Cast, a spy team working for the Secret Black Ops Section 31 Institute. Section 31 was created first organization on Star Trek: Deep Space Nine As something to hate, not glorify it, and it was never something that most Trek fans wanted more of. Therefore, it is appropriate that Section 31 is the main impetus for a film that resulted from a show that no one liked including a character that no one wanted to see more.

The highly cool Section 31 spy team takes part in presentations by shouting at each other, making threats, and making the camera. Like Georgiou, they are also mostly serial killers, and they are all quite upset that they can’t do more killing.

The bar where most things happen

Georgiou joins the Section 31 team for reasons and started a mission to do something for some other reasons. That is already more of an explanation than this film gave me.

Fortunately, this mission to make a thing happen in the same space bar in which they already stand. CBS did not need to build any other sets for their heist. For a lucky event financially.

Actual screenshot of Star Trek: Section 31

The unexpected appearance of snake eyes from Joe’s GI franchise interrupts the critical mission to get something for reasons. Or maybe it’s a space ninja. It’s probably just Ninja’s unexpected space. Joe’s dog would never connect himself to this.

At this point, we are 30 minutes into the film, and has not changed the location of the fancy space bar set where it started.

Surprise Ninja.

Prepare because the set is about to change. The audience is introduced to a new location. It’s a desert with flame retardant clingers randomly from the ground. Our team has a meeting there. Why they chose such an unbearable location is completely unknown.

Their meeting ends and we go inside their ship for the first time. Not the Spit of the movie logo sequence of the film. Hooray, third location.

Flame desert

This location is used to talk to a man attached to a chair because, of course, someone is attached to a chair. The view takes place on their bridge starAnd you can’t see much of it apart from some background office chairs.

Five minutes later, the ship you can’t see anyway explodes, and we’re back in the desert. Desert is the best when you are filming on a budget.

The spitad in the trees

Fortunately, one of our characters announces that she knows an old ship in the desert – a ship that happens to be out there for reasons. So they walk to the ship, which they find in the woods.

In the trees. A forest around a desert on a place they repeatedly describe as a “dead planet.” Catch up.

A game made in heaven.

From there, the desert is never seen or mentioned yet, and everything happens in the trees. Even locations they had previously visited in the desert now in the trees.

Fortunately, there are flames sticking out of the ground in the woods, so the audience always knows where they are. It seems that the flames do not bother the trees.

There is confusing punching in front of a poor green screen rendering a blurred tunnel. Murder mystery that no one is worried about. A robot is disabled by being kneeled in the crotch.

A tunnel fighting in Section 31

Star Trek: Section 31 ends when Phillipa Georgiou is a race -a whole universe on suspicion of possible evil and then tells her team that she is probably going to kill her later.

All of them have a good laugh at their future killings, and then Jamie Lee Curtis Pops out of a table in the fancy bar of the film about to give them their next mission.

Wild Jamie Lee Curtis appears

If you still have doubts about quality Star Trek: Section 31 years old When writing, enjoy this actual line of dialogue from the film: “She died as she lives. By that you know what I mean. “

Star Trek: Section 31 is one of the worst ideas anyone has ever had, and is one of the worst things I have ever seen. He was executed by a team of people who don’t know what a film is and performed by actors who don’t know anything about acting.

A thing happens that must be prevented

It has nothing to do with Star Trek. There is nothing Star Trek about it. Nothing in it looks like Star Trek, Star Trek’s things are not directed or mentioned, and has no effect on any other part of Star Trek (thank God). A horrible, horrible person wrote Suicide Squad/Guardians of the galaxy Ripoff Mashup and then slapped the name Star Trek in the hope of deceiving people to give them money.

Star Trek: Section 31 have achieved the impossible. This is the worst thing that Star Trek has ever produced and is also one of the worst things to appear on any screen, anywhere. Is it possible for a movie to be bad? This one, and if Paramount has no sense of shame or decency, it will now close the whole company and auction off its assets to the lowest bidder.

Our Giant Freakin Robot The review system operates on a single -scale through five stars. Our scoring system does not go under one star. So I give Star Trek: Section 31 zero stars.

Star Trek: Section 31 Review score


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