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Two people hold their hands through the table, passing the sense of comfort and intimacy in a quiet setting.
Tom Werner | Digitalvision | Gets the image
When the ex-director Andy Bayron and the company manager were caught to cuddle to Jumbotron during the concert, the following collective question: why do they risk their families and careers for attempting?
As a executive advisor and a therapist, I often spend my days sitting opposite customers who are thinking or already involved in similar situations. Most are not abusers, daffodils or sexual addicts involved in serial deception. These are good people: hard -working, kind and dedicated to their careers and families.
So, what makes a person – even the one who swears that he never cheats – suddenly crosses the abyss and risks everyone for the novel?
People are connected to wanting to approve others, and as social beings, our survival often depends on it. We “go with the flow”, repressing our emotions to please those around us.
But, like the spring, which becomes more densely wounded every year, it can calmly put the basis for a rigid return.
Here are five amazingly common psychological pitfalls that can make anyone risk everyone for the novel.
1. Always be ‘good’
Many of my customers who have been engaged in illegitimate affairs have always considered themselves “good”. They listened to their parents, studied strongly, landed on profitable work, married, gave birth to children and watched each public expectation.
For them, love and acceptance in childhood were associated with achievements, and they often reach the middle age without having a clear understanding of who they really are. If it is not easy to feel that “something lacking” inevitably begins to appear, they sometimes turn to the novel in an attempt to fill the void.
2. Being a perfectionist
Not surprisingly, perfectionism is a trait I see in almost all my high-performance customers. But perfectionism is often a reaction to injury. Children who are in flying conditions or those who give inconsistent approval often believe that everything will be perfectly supported.
Over time, they get tired of fulfilling high standards on themselves and those around them. When the novel calls, they can suddenly give up trying to be perfect and double back.
For them, illegal relationships may feel that they will be released from their own unrealistic expectations – Balva, which softens the stiffness that has made their lives.
3. The presence of bad boundaries
People with weak borders often had parents who were somehow disabled – through dependence, poverty, a sense of overloaded or simple immaturity – and the role of ensuring the emotional stability of the house hit their small shoulders.
Clear children get the sense of value successfully anticipation and satisfaction of the needs of others. But in the end, they begin to feel the offense of the people they “help”.
When Roman knocks, they rationalize it, telling themselves that all my life spent, giving others, and now it’s time to do something for themselves.
4. Being in the abusive or emotional content of marriage
According to the therapist Esther Perel, in his book “Condition: Rethinking Betrayal”, the victim Roman is not always a victim of the relationship.
Some of my customers are engaged in business after transferring years of physical, emotional and verbal abuse. Secret relationships can be unexpected, but welcome with decades of bad treatment.
It can also be a subconscious form of revenge, the decision to undermine the relationship once and for all in an attempt to save yourself. Once the case is put, it does not turn back, and the redeemed land gives them the opportunity to start again.
5. They have recently suffered a loss
One of the first questions I ask the clients considering the novel is that they have recently lost anyone or something close. Woe is a catalyst, and it is often the death of a father who causes reassessment of modern relations and priorities.
During this period, the reassessment borders become more permeable, which sometimes allows the participant out of wedlock to access.
After the case
Nobel laureate Albert Schweitz is quoted as he said: “In everyone’s life, at some time, our inner fire fades. He then burst into the flames met with another person. “
It is such a drunken sense of emotional enlightenment that makes many feel how the matter should risk everything they appreciated. Their worldview narrows until every aspect of their lives on the borders of the partner does not decrease in their field of vision. Only in retrospect everything is used on the correct scale, and the situation can be considered objectively.
For some couples, the case may cause the death of the marriage that has already gone its way. For others, this can push the self -refinement and negotiation of the Union conditions, which allows them to become stronger and better than before.
Professional consequences can change careers and irreversible.
Training, how to advocate yourself before reaching any emotional gap, is both personal and professional superpower.
Lisa OIX is a former CNBC Asia’s Squawk Box co -chair. Now she the media coach, Executive Advisorand the presenter Being a human podcast. Lisa has a master’s degree both in journalism and in consultation. Her articles focus on executive mental health, leadership and effective communication.
