I feel like the life I had before the war was all composed

“I do not think that God, designed for people at the end of the 20s, live with parents,” says Hanya Aljamal.

She hangs on the balcony with a tiny apartment where he lives with her mother, father and five adult brothers and sisters – because this is the only place where she can get peace and silence.

Two years ago, 28-year-old Hanya worked as an English teacher and lived in her apartment. She applied to the US College to make a master’s degree in international development as well as a scholarship to pay for it. Things were going well – but life is different now.

Like most days, Sunday starts with morning coffee on the balcony, while Hanya watches over her neighbor, men in the 70’s, carefully trying to pots with herbs, seedlings and plants in his neat garden, just across the road from the shocked building.

“It just looks like the purest form of resistance,” Hanya says. “At the center of all this horror and uncertainty, he still finds time to grow something – and there is something absolutely beautiful.”

Hanya lives in Deir al-Bala, a town in the middle of Gaza, 25 miles of land on the southeastern corner of the Mediterranean, which has been a war area since October 2023. She has Records Audilaal she shared with BBC for Radio -Documentary Movie About that there is such a life.

The school where she taught was to close when the war began. Hanya became a teacher without students and without school, her sense of who she slipped on her fingers.

“At this time, it is very difficult to find the goal, finding some comfort or meaning when your whole world falls apart.”

In Hagnah’s apartment, she shares with her family, her fifth house since the war. UN estimates, 90% of the gases were moved by war – many times. Most gases now live in temporary shelters.

On Monday, Hanya woke up in bed at 2 am.

“There was an explosion that was very close, after which a second took place and the third,” she says, “it was so loud and very scary. I tried to reassure myself to sleep. “

The Israeli government states that its hostilities are intended for the destruction of Hamas’s capabilities, which describes itself as a movement of Islamist resistance. It is appointed terrorist organization of the UK, USA, Israel and others.

Israeli’s hostilities began after armed Palestinian Gaza Gaza, led by Hamas, who attacked Israel on October 7, 2023, killed about 1,200 people, most of them were taken away by 251 hostages.

So far, the Israeli military has killed more than 56,000 people in the conflict – most civilians – according to the Ministry of Health Gaza managing Hamas. Currently, Israel does not allow international journalists to report freely from Gaza.

Hanya works in the organization of assistance called “Humanity Action” and spends a day in one of its projects. A group of girls wearing white T -shirts and kefi tied around their waist, and then participate in a group session of therapy.

One speaks about what it means to lose the house, others tell about the loss of their things, their friends, whom they love. And then one suddenly starts crying, and everyone else is silent. The teaching assistant selects the girl to comfort her privately.

“And then someone tells me she lost both parents,” Hanya says.

On Tuesday, Hanya watches the five colorful snakes that take off in the sky from the balcony.

“I like air snakes – they are like active hope,” she says. “Every Kite is a few children trying to have a normal childhood in the midst of all this.”

Seeing the flying snakes that have changed well in drones, planes and “murder machines”, which Hanya used to see over her apartment, she says. But later this evening begins the “Night Orchestra” of the nearby drones, buzzing on dissenters. It describes the sound they produce as “psychological torture”.

“Sometimes they are so loud that they can’t even listen to their own thoughts,” she says. “They remind you that they look there, wait, ready to pounce.”

On Thursday morning, Hanya hears loudly, a consistent gun and wonders what it might be. Maybe theft. Maybe the war from the turf between the families. Maybe someone protects the composition.

She spends most of the day in bed. She feels dizziness every time she tries to rise and puts her to the effect of starvation ahead of the Eid al-Adha when she is already very unsuccessful.

Hanya says that the lack of control of what she eats – and the rest of her life – has a great psychological influence.

“You can’t control anything – not even your thoughts, not even your well -being, not even anyone,” she says. “It took me some time to accept the fact that I am no longer the person I am identical.”

A school where Hanya had previously been destroyed and the idea of ​​studying abroad now seems very far away.

“I felt that I was a gastel,” says Hanya, “like all these things were composed. None of this was true.”

The next morning, Hanya wakes up from the birds chirping and called for prayer.

This is the first day of the al-Adha when her dad usually sacrifices sheep, and they share meat with low-income and their relatives. But now there is no travel tools in her family, and in any case there is no animal.

“The whole population of Gaza has no protein outside the canned fa, for three months,” she says.

The Hangi family reveals that one of her cousin was killed while trying to get help.

“Honestly, I didn’t know him not very well,” she says, “but this is the common tragedy of anyone is hungry, looking for food and shooting in this process that is pretty grot.”

In recent weeks, several shooting incidents and hundreds of deaths reported at the aid distribution points have occurred. The circumstances are disputed and difficult to check, not freely reported in the gas.

Hanya knows at least 10 people who have lost their lives during the war. This number includes several of her students and a colleague who enlisted a month before the war. She was at the same age as Hanya, and shared her ambitions.

Hanya updates her resume to remove the name of Professor College. He was her arbitrator and wrote the teacher – but he also died.

“This is a huge thing when someone tells you what they see that they believe in you and what they are betting on you,” she says.

Hanya does not believe that she is properly mourning for anyone, and she says she feels that she needs to disassemble her emotions when any of her loved ones suffered.

“Sadness is a luxury that many of us cannot afford.”

Crooked roosters celebrate the beginning of another new day, and Hanya takes a beautiful pink and blue dawn from the balcony. He says she has worked out the habit of looking for the sky as escape.

“It is very difficult to find beauty in gas more. Everything is gray, covered or destroyed,” Hanya says.

“The only thing in the sky is that it gives you the colors and respite of beauty that lacks the earth.”