90s Sci-Fi Buddy Cop Comedy Hollywood Wants You To Forget

By Robert Scucci
| Published 7 seconds ago

The phrase “direct-to-video” is typically associated with low-budget projects that could not secure a wide theatrical release. More often than not, this is the correct logic to follow. However, there is one 1996 film that defies all so-called logic Theodore Rex – a $33.5 million buddy cop sci-fi movie starring Whoopi Goldberg and the film’s eponymous anthropomorphic dinosaur portrayed a little too enthusiastically by George Newbern (Father of the Bride).

While I’m usually a huge fan of titles that are “so bad they’re good,” Theodore Rex is one of those movies that will confuse me until I’m on my deathbed. What’s more, I feel that New Line Cinema is aware of this fact, which is why you can’t find this movie on anyone. streaming platform as this writing.

Futuristic Dino Detectives?

Theodore Rex wastes no time insulting your intelligence with a Star Wars-style display scroll at the front of the film telling you everything you need to know:

There’s a clumsy but lovable dinosaur named Theodore Rex who wants to be a detective, an outrageous futuristic cop named Katie Coltrane (Whoopie Goldberg) who is tasked with solving a murder case with that dinosaur against her will. . to get her badge back, and a crime scene involving a dead dinosaur that leads to a major conspiracy involving an evil billionaire named Elizar Kane (Armin Mueller-Stahl) who wants to use fish DNA to usher in a new ice age for … reasons.

Confused Character Design

The most frustrating part about Theodore Rex is his character design. I’ll be the first to admit that the walking and talking dinosaur puppets look great for a mid-90s light movie whatever the hell kind of movie this is, but their personalities make no sense at all, and they seem to have been created for the sole purpose of making audiences guffaw at the screen while saying “haha, that’s random!”

For example, Theodore Rex has an automated cookie shooter in his decked penthouse apartment for when he wants a snack. Let’s unpack this for a moment because our hero detective dino is low on the totem pole in his PR career, and only aspires to be a police officer in the first act.

How can Theodore Rex afford this lifestyle, and why does he like cookies so much?

What does he do on the side to have a seemingly endless supply of white chocolate macadamia nut cookies ready in an apartment so huge that even Frasier Crane would be jealous of his living situation? Was the cookie shooter custom built? At least we know his giant tail-hosting van was bought with taxpayer money, but I have no compelling reason to believe that Theodore Rex has “cookie shooter money” lying around any where the imagination.

Also, Theodore, as well as the rest of the dinosaurs who have been integrated into society after being created by the villain, they have all decided they no longer want to be carnivores, for reasons not fully explained. If I had to venture a guess, this peculiarity was established for the sole purpose of making the dinosaurs in this universe a little more strange.

Whoopi Goldberg Didn’t Want To Be There

During a 2015 interview with Folha de S. Paulo, Whoopi Goldberg who didn’t mince words when he said he didn’t want to star Theodore Rex. In fact, producer Richard Gilbert Abramson filed a $20 million lawsuit against Goldberg when she tried to pull out of the film’s production after she allegedly made a verbal agreement to be cast as Katie Coltrane back in 1992. Settling out of the court, Goldberg reluctantly agreed to move forward with the project, but his disdain is evident in every frame.

There is not a single punchline in it Theodore Rex that doesn’t match the look of fear on Goldberg’s face as if to say, “I can’t believe I’m saying these words out loud.” It’s also not revealed until the third act that Katie Coltrane is part cyborg, which benefits the plot in any way apart from the fact that it explains why she walks around so unenthusiastically – like a drugged cat in following a laser pointer – throughout most of the film. Part of me wonders if this reveal was simply added to the script to explain the soulless nature of Goldberg’s moves and the way he delivers a line.

Whoopi Goldberg was paid $7 million to star in it Theodore Rex.

It’s OK If You Want To Transfer This One

Theodore Rex not available anywhere on streaming, which is probably for the benefit of humanity. Mankind is overstimulated by endless technological advancements, multiple wars, economic distress, hunger, corruption, advertisements, get-rich-quick schemes, and a sense of political division that will probably worsen significantly before things get better For most people, sit down and watch Theodore Rex as a way to escape the horrors of modern life may be the very thing that pushes them over the edge.

As I mourned the 92 minutes of my time I devoted to them Theodore Rexall hope is not lost. I watched this movie so you don’t have to. But if you’re a glutton for punishment, you can probably find every copy of this film at the bottom of a decades-old tar pit where they belong.