Physical Address
304 North Cardinal St.
Dorchester Center, MA 02124
I was always fascinated by families whose children seem to be on some unusual lane, reaching the top of my career, or, even more interesting for me, the burning trails or performing my hobbies with impressive results.
What did their parents do other expand their opportunities? What do researchers know about what is effective in giving children the support they need to achieve? Given that siblings are often so different that it seemed useful in the direction?
For my book “Family Dynamics: Traveling in the Mystery of Success Brothers and Sisters“I interrogated dozens of parents Children with high content and questioned more than 100 experts. As a mom’s mom, the teens now, that’s what I thought was most convincing.
1. Optimism – that’s all
You can provide all enrichment in the world and encourage the baby Excel at schoolBut if they do not embody the sense of opportunity, their academic strengths can only take them.
I was impressed by the sequence of the parents’ worldview with whom I urged my children to think great, feel hope and remain positive.
Marylin Holyfield, one of the three siblings from Talakhase, who became an influential civil rights activist, told me that the unspoken motto in her household was “everything possible”. And Amalia Murgu, who raised seven children in modest circumstances, several of whom became national figures (in charity, civil rights and federal courts), also said: “With the help of God’s help, everything is possible.”
2. You need to know your child – and adapt your motivational approach to them
One A fascinating study They showed that parents often do not know what to say when children say they do not want to conduct mathematical and scientific classes that may be crucial to their studies.
Researchers continued to provide brochures and links to the web -site to help parents tailor their motivational approach to their own children. If, for example, their child wanted to be professional footballers, parents can say: “Oh, if you are a professional athlete, you need to be able to stay on top of your finances, which may be very important in this payment scale.”
To tell children to focus on something practical does not inspire them. Instead, the parents had to focus on what would make this training to be valuable to their children based on their interests. The peculiarities of the children whose parents used this approach (compared to parents accidentally appointed control), resulting in the results of mathematics and science of ACT, which were 12% higher.
3. Understand that learning and expanding opportunities can happen anywhere
One study It was stuck with me, found that parents often underestimate how much their children are – and how much they will study, trying for the first time even on every day the tasks.
The experimenters gave 4 years of age to the children’s museum with the opportunity to dress in hockey tools for the game, and some parents were reminded that children could study for dressing. They sat back and allowed the child to deal with different straps and how to put on the gear they did successfully.
Children are capable of more than we think-we know that when parents intervene, it is demotivated, so we must encourage self-sufficiency, not be afraid of the smallest struggle.
Jeanine Grof, the mother of the Olympian, was awarded a novelist and serial entrepreneur, showed me how she stores all the plastic dishes and cups on the floor of the bottom cabinet in her kitchen so that her grandchildren can serve herself.
Teaching comes not just from puzzles and books; This happens in everyday events.
4. It is not only hard work and cereals – true love of knowledge and matters
Especially since pandemic, development psychologists make deviations from research on how to encourage hard work and research about how to promote love for learning and deep curiosity.
So many parents about which I wrote in my book Some studies support that think. Emmanuels – three famous brothers who were on top of entertainment, political and bioethical fields – said their father believed that “it was absolutely necessary for understanding the world and themselves.”
I remember interviewing the parents of one set of incredible siblings for whom the journey was so important that they saved all year for one big trip; And they brought home snacks for two weeks so they wouldn’t pay for it on the road.
5. Motivate your children not to be a “coach” but with love
The fact that all these lessons have a common one is what my parents I interviewed brought love and joy to help my children grow. For the most part, they were there to support their children, but did not see themselves with their coaches and critics.
Diana Polus, director of Broadway, danced at the American Ballet Theater at a very young age, but personally for me the mother’s approach was an inspiring model. Her mother, she said, had a way to “watch without desire.”
Our task is to expose our children with opportunities, know them well enough to motivate their love, and then allow our own desires to provide all the necessary disk.
Susan owner worked on The New York Times Since 2007, first as a subway columnist, and then as a writer of the New York Times. In 2018, she was a team that received the Pulitzer Prize for the public service for a sexual claim in the workplace, and her article on Menopause in the New York Times received the National Magazine Prize. She teaches journalism at Yale University and her new book “Family Dynamics: Journey into the secret of the success of siblings“Now goes out. Follow her at Instagram @Suedominus.
Are you ready to buy a house? Take smarter than CNBC Make a new Internet Course How to buy your first house. Expert teachers will help you weigh the cost of the rental against the purchase, financial training and confidently imitate each step of the process – from the mortgage to the closing of the transaction. Sign up today And use the bird starting coupon for an introductory discount of a 30% discount of $ 97 (+taxes and fees) by July 15, 2025.
